Don't settle, dark background with the top of a guitar, shadow on the right side of the guitar.

Don’t Settle: Love Yourself

Don’t Settle: Love yourself

Artist: Bonnie Raitt| Song:"I Can’t Make You Love Me"

“…I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t. Here in the dark in these final hours, I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power; but you won’t, no, you won’t…”

***Welcome back passengers! Do you have your boarding passes? Great! Last time we talked about possible tips to sweeten your oral experience. Today we will revisit a destination, relationships, which is the next stop on our Summer 100 Blog Challenge journey. My copilots today are Fairy Cakes & Victoria. 7/2/2018***

Bonnie Raitt was on to something. It’s a fact, you can’t make someone love you, so don’t settle.

My first word of advice is to look at the signs, follow your intuition. If your gut is saying your mate is cheating, sadly often they are. Don’t be a private investigator it will only hurt you more.

Also, if the circumstances mentioned in the sequential paragraphs are a factor, you have some decisions to make. I think sooner would be better than later.

Secondly, don’t go by what anyone tells you because people will show you how they feel please take heed to that. You know how it is when you’re first getting together, it’s beautiful they can’t get enough of you. The bottom line is longing for your mate doesn’t get old, so generally if their interest is elsewhere it shows.

Thirdly, it’s not your fault. You can be a selfless giving person, adore your mate and if your mate never loved, respected and appreciated you, you’re wasting invaluable time. Ultimately, they’re not ready to commit or you’re just not the one. It’s awful falling in love alone, but it happens. Don’t be in a relationship while your mate is single.

Forth, treat your mate as good as they treat you. Don’t cater to someone that has a lack of regard for you. Never lose your self-respect in the name of “Love” which is not reciprocated. Avoid holding on to shattered dreams, future lifelong plans, time passed, cherish the good memories (if any), cry, heal and move on.

Fifth and it’s actually more, but this one is important, don’t subject yourself to any abuse. I don’t care if its name calling splashed with a few fuck yous, if you’re never disrespectful to them don’t allow them to have a lack of respect for you.

I’d like to hope your relationship didn’t begin that way, but once it starts it’s another sign they’re treating someone new as affectionate as they once treated you. You’re just disposable goods to them.

Self-Love Is Everything

Lastly, self-love is everything. Learn how to be alone. Value yourself. Keep your guard up until someone shows you they’re worthy of letting it down.

Well, that is a brief summary of all the advice I had for you. I know it’s hard being alone because in my opinion, even though I advocate self-gratification nothing replaces human touch, it’s a basic human need. However, you don’t have to drag yourself through the mud to have it.

Hopefully, one day you can experience intimacy with someone that you “share” genuine love. Hmmm, I need to add if they pursued you under false pretenses the experience could be just as intense, so beware of the wolves in sheep’s clothing(in my grandmother’s voice). Protect your heart at all cost.

Almost forgot to mention earlier to remember it’s more to relationships than “what you perceive to be” good sex. I feel that intimacy from a mutually loving mate will be different from any encounter(it can happen… geez I wish I could put a shrugging emoji here), and for sure it will be worth the wait when a monogamous relationship is what you seek.

Yeah, you can be loving the single life, but it’s all fun and games until time flies by (decades). Then oops, one day you slip and open up for “the one” (to no avail), you think you’re finally in love for the first time (well, YOU are).  Unfortunately, they aren’t.  Despite that, afterward don’t be afraid to allow someone to love you, and please take as much time as you need. Abstinence isn’t as hard as you think (another missing shrugging emoji, heehee).

But seriously, I implore you to embrace self love. There was a time I was guilty of not treating myself good, but we live and learn. I realize, yes I wasn’t loved by my mate, but I didn’t love myself much either.

***I’d like to add, there are alternatives to monogamous relationships as Victoria mentions in an interesting piece on non-monogamy. Also, Fairy Cake’s blog post reflects on how folks cope with stress. For some sex or masturbation works to release, and then there are people such as myself it doesn’t work for. Alright everyone, we are now on to our next approach, Summer 100: Kink/Fetish/BDSM. See you then!***

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4 thoughts on “Don’t Settle: Love Yourself”

  1. You’re so right about listening to our own instincts and not blaming ourselves for a partner’s infidelity. I’ve done the “chasing thing” and it left me looking foolish. It also made it easier for my abusive ex to paint me as “unstable” to those on the outside looking in. It took years for me to understand my own worth. You give sound advice all around, my friend. And, by the way, this Bonnie Raitt song is one of my favorites.

  2. Thank you so much. Indeed, we have to live and learn. Definitely can’t force love, and it doesn’t hurt either. From what I saw between my grandparents, movies and books it should have it’s ups and downs but it’s beautiful. I appreciate you friend, and this is one of my absolute fav songs too. When I used to sing it years ago, I didn’t understand that type of pain, as an adult who has attempted to receive love twice to no avail… I can relate to this song… a lot.

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