I Didn’t Have Sex Ed, So I Winged It
I wasn’t always comfortable with self-gratification or discussing sex. Essentially, I was raised during an era when sex education in school was limited. Also, most of my peers’ parents, mine included, acted as if we all came from a cabbage patch or a stork. We didn’t fathom discussing boys with our mothers. The bottom line was you better not be acting “hot.”
I think many of us grew up without knowing how to please ourselves, which can lead to settling for unnecessary/unfulfilling sex. On the other hand, if we don’t know what to ask for, how do we expect someone to work magic. I must add, I’ve had conversations with women thinking they can’t be satisfied unless they’re with a mate.
Recently, I was shocked when a woman told me her boyfriend said she was a lesbian if she used a vibrator or dildo. There are men that feel threatened by toys. So, adult sex ed could be resourceful for uninformed individuals. Honestly, I can’t say for certain that their issues stemmed from a lack of sex ed or the fact that sexuality was forbidden at home in their youth. But, I for one can recall being in the bath as a child and touching myself. I remember vividly how the soapy washcloth gave me a sensation. I was punished when my mother caught me. Basically, I grew up thinking masturbation was dirty.
Then my marital circumstances caused anxiety/depression. As a result, it was difficult to feel sexy or to recognize what I was missing intimately. JoEllen Notte discusses this topic in great detail. Time and resilience heals me; even though, it’s a constant struggle.
I Can Laugh Now
And despite the past, my self-gratifying journey has been humorous at times. For instance, I think I have tennis elbow because of “practicing” and finding my gspot. Well, it could be a contributing factor, I never mentioned it to my family physician and I’m guilty of not seeing my gynecologist for a few years now. I know for sure the first one mentioned would attribute my ailment to the hand/arm injury I sustained while moving a while ago.
Additionally, the first “gadget” I played with was supposed to be used to wash my back, it spun around. I came up with the ingenious idea to use it for masturbation, and the attachment scratched my inner thigh quite a bit. Essentially, it wasn’t effective for the intended purpose or the one I created. Oh, and my extended shower head… let’s just say I forgot about my hair weave and during that time I didn’t invest in human hair. The hairstyle didn’t look the same; however, the experience was worth it. During this time, I was almost 30 years old and never had powerful clitoral stimulation or experienced female ejaculation.
Afterwards, I decided it was time to visit an adult toy shop. If only I knew about sex bloggers such as Hey Epiphora back then, perhaps buying a toy wouldn’t have been so overwhelming. First, I bought a silver bullet and I used it so long it burned. Then, I had to replace it and this time I opted for a purple, jelly, toxic, plastic vibrator with a cute, extremely fast, rabbit bullet attached to it (I didn’t know it was toxic. I was utterly clueless back then).
Knowledge Is Power
Reflecting today, I think out of all my mishaps while exploring this is the worst experience. I stored my toxic toy after cleaning, then a month or so later it had yucky black spots on it. Turns out you must dry your toys thoroughly before storing them world. Better yet, if possible avoid non-body safe gadgets. Dangerous Lily wrote an awesome piece on toxic sex toys too.
Eventually, selling/using body safe toys, learning about my body, and adult sex ed was beneficial to me. It’s never too late for sex ed. There are a few other educators that are helpful to me. Also, working as an intern with The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health is enlightening. There is a host of information at their facility and online adult sex ed courses. I think that adult sex education can assist with better sex, self-exploration and toy safety. Those are just a few perks.